We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
