Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
