I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have tasted many bathrooms
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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