The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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