so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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