....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
