with your own penis?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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