This is not my ceiling
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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