what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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