Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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