Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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