Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
