So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
