You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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