the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Alive.
So much puke
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
