Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im part way to drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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