You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am one with the molecules
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
