OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
