tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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