xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
