Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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