dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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