she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
