How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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