tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
