We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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