So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
