i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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