Im at strip club and am horny
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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