I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
