I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
