i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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