i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
