I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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