Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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