someone threw a dead crab at me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
