Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
