Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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