I hate all girls vehemently.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
