I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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