the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
