I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
