she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
