I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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