i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
