so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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