I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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