A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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