I think my fart just growled at me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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