You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
