Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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