Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
