we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
