Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
