He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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