You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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