Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
