Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
